12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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