Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he shaved USA in his pubs
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
