just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize