You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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