Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's rum buckets o'clock
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
