I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
