Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
