you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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