It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
