so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
