So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
