She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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