What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
