how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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