The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
