this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
