you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
