I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
In America we eat man semen.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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