somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
