meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And then he peed in my hair
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