thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
