i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
