Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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