have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
