Don't you send me to vm
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
