After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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