That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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