I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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