So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
