Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
