don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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