i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
