so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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