I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
