ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
