I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
