he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
