i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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