I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
