Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's shark week go big or go home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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