i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
