Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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