my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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