Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got so high we made milksteak
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
