where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
