i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
