I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
