U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
