In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
