nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
