Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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