apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
