Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
