I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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