i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
