I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
