i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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