Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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