So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
