I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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