last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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