My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
