absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
