Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
