I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
