Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
