never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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