marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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