If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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