Where is the hickey?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Did I show you my penis last night?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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