last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
