I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
