im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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