before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sarcasm needs its own font
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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