A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
