My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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