we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
