Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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