covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
