Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
