even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
