Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
