No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
