Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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