Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
