I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
